Im 17 and dating a 30 year old
You might also be concerned if he were 17, given that what you are afraid of her getting hurt, pregnant, or growing up too quickly, or him being with her just for one reason can easily happen with a 17 year old boyfriend too. While such concerns are natural, and perfectly understandable, they are also irrational. It's not likely that anything worse will happen to her with this "sensible" 25 year old, than what would happen with a random 17 year old. Your daughter is an adult now, in all but the legal sense, so treat her like an adult.
What you can do, depending on your relationship to her, is to share your concerns, while acknowledging that they are irrational. That way you don't force her to change her life, yet still make her aware of the concerns. You are worried about your daughter missing opportunities travelling, studies. I started dating my wife when she was barely 17, and I was We married two years later, and had our first daughter 9 months after we married, with my wife still All three in English, which she started learning after marriage.
On top of the above three points, she still finds time to volunteer, and to be the favourite mom among our kids' friends. All in all, most likely not what my father in law had in mind when she was little, but an exciting life. However, generally speaking women mature earlier than men. Assuming your daughter is at least average maturity for her age, and there are no other worrying signs, I wouldn't worry too much.
It could also be a lot worse. You also say 'going out' - i. Your daughter is, as you point out, an adult with all that entails, including the freedom to make her own mistakes. A theoretical 17 year old man could equally, if not more so, be with her for only one reason. Equally, becoming pregnant and having to postpone things such as career isn't age relevant.
If the relationship develops, you could express your concerns, though not in a judgemental way - otherwise you could risk damaging your relationship with your daughter and pushing them together. I don't know if it helps, but when I met my girlfriend she was 16 and I was 23, one year later we came together.
At that age I was working but lived with my mother. She went to high school and lived with her parents. Since then almost 4 years past and we live together in another city and we are both happy and in love. Since the first time I feel like she is the perfect match for me and she thinks also like that. I was afraid in the beginning that this age difference could be a problem, but it's not.
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She was grown up enough in thinking and I never felt like I'm dating a "child". I was able to share my feelings and my experience about finishing exams at high school, about university also I was able to live those things again. We enjoy the same kind of music, movies and thinking the same about life. My career path and what I'm doing helped her to find out what she want to do after university. But I could also mention many things in she helped me to achieve including move out from home.
And many of these are not age-related. Of course your daughter can get hurt, but that's possible in every single relationship. The same about getting pregnant. And what can she miss? I think if you raised her well enough, than she won't do anything stupid and still she can go to university, travel and build her career, just as my girlfriend is doing.
I remember the reactions from both her mother and mine, and those were awful. In my opinion you should try to get to know her boyfriend and treat him as you would like to be treated.
Get to know him as a friend
In my opinion you can do the biggest harm if you overthink this situation. As others have said, you need to have some serious talks with your daughter. If she thinks she is in love, but the subject of marriage has not come up, you still have time. Use it but don't alienate her. If this person is going to join your family, it should be on friendly and welcoming terms. If the subject of marriage has come up, you can start bargaining of some kind.
Ask if they can wait for marriage until she finishes her education.
"I'm 19, he's 32. Is it weird that we're dating?"
Even if she does not work as a married woman, divorce or widowhood is not a remote possibility, and if she has no marketable skills, she will find herself falling upon difficult times. If they don't want to wait, then ask the husband to carry ample life insurance should the worst happen. First and foremost, let me just state, I think I get where you're coming from. You have legitimate concerns: What do they have in common? What experiences and mutual understanding could they even build a healthy connection on?
Could they possibly have a meaningful future together in the long-term? Is he just using her or taking advantage? I'm going to suggest something that the other answers touch upon, but in a more actionable, what-can-you- do -right-now way: Re-word these concerns into questions, and ask your daughter these questions.
Try to word them so they don't give off an impression of being against the relationship: I think you'll get the best results by opening the conversation with the attitude that you're just curious and want to genuinely get to know what your daughter is currently going through better.
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That's not to say that you shouldn't already disapprove - while I personally wouldn't start feeling disapproval just from what you've described, your feelings are very understandable - but regardless of how you might initially feel, you can always tell her you disapprove a little later, once you've gotten as much of her perspective as she's willing to share. But at first, it's better if you can be simply inquisitive: You don't want her to feel like you've already made up your mind before you've had a chance to thoroughly discuss it, right?
I think sometimes people just disengage and become resistant to anything we say if they feel we're already against what they're doing, which reduces our ability to actually help them significantly. Approaching with an inquisitive attitude helps everyone involved: If you ultimately decide you disapprove or that there are real concerns, you'll be able to present your position much more thoroughly, pointing to the concerning details from what she herself has told you.
In the process of asking her these questions, she might even start thinking about issues she might have overlooked herself.
- I'm 18 and dating a 30 year old, how do I tell my mom?!
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- I'm 18 and dating a 30 year old, how do I tell my mom?.
And maybe in the process, you'll learn something about why they're drawn to each other and how they both think and feel that makes you feel more comfortable with the whole thing. Personally, I'd just start with something like "hey, I was just wondering, could you tell me more about how this relationship started and what made you like him? Unfortunately, it can be hard to find a way to word things without causing misinterpretations.
For example, at least where I'm from, a curt and direct "So what do you see in him" can give a very negative, even judgmental impression, even though taken literally it's almost the same question. So maybe soften it with clarification, like "don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking so that I understand what you're thinking and feeling, because I've decided that since this relationship seems to be important to you, I want to fully understand where that's coming from".
I think this a good starting point - it immediately gets at the root of investigating how much your concerns apply to this specific case, helps lead your daughter to spotting any problems that might be looming in this relationship without just making her feel like she's being told "no", builds mutual understanding and a possibility of openly discussing relationships, including the tough parts, between you and your daughter, and has the opportunity to show her by example what kind of questions to ask when figuring out if a person is right for her in a relationship.
Best case scenario, she and her romantic interest will positively surprise you with mature and well-considered perspectives on why they're right for each other. But if not, I think the above will put both you and your daughter in a better position to navigate any troubles that might come up, together. Children with older brothers or sisters are usually much more sensible and grown up than those without, and the same goes for girls who date older men. It's probably just a sign that she is highly intelligent and mature for her age anyway. Women mature much quicker than men and by dating up in this way they continue to surround themselves with much more mature and sensible people.
It totally depends on the character of this person - which by the sounds of it is good - but he may be a really good influence on her. Far better than dating a guy her own age. Do you remember what you were like at 17? Weren't boys at that age more likely to be 'only after one thing? Teenage boys have literally nothing of value to offer anyone.
Also anything you do say or do will only make the situation bad between you and her. If he actually mistreats her or starts seeming like a bad influence then sure jump in there and say something, but otherwise you are probably worrying needlessly and causing undue drama. Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between I use an app that allows you to configure this and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature and that's something exists almost entirely independently of age.
Invite him for dinner and family days out. In this way, you'll be able to keep a weather eye on things. With regards to her education and career, you really only can do what any normal parent would do with a year-old, that is, encourage them in the right direction. Travelling is something she will or won't do of her own accord and isn't a pre-requisite to successful grown-upping.
Regarding pregnancy however, you ought to encourage her use of contraception. The kind would be some sort of implant that require her to make a conscious decision to discontinue use. One thing which no other post has covered, and which you probably don't want to hear, but is the plain and brutal truth Younger people are still learning and experimenting with what they can do, and they naturally want to do as much of it as they can, and have it be as enjoyable as possible. As a rational person, it would make complete sense for her to get her experiences of what it should be like with someone who is actually competent.
Most guys her own age are not going to be highly competent, so it makes sense for her not to play with them. The truth may simply be that she has no interest in a long-term romantic relationship with him, and they are purely enjoying having sex with each other. You might not like to hear this about your year-old daughter, but you do need to face that she has sexual needs and as an adult is fully entitled to do absolutely anything she likes with absolutely anyone she chooses.
This means that you leave everything regarding feelings, broken hearts, morality and so on to her to decide or experience on her own. That's her obligation and lawful right. She's of age, which goes both ways. What to do about this? You should try to stay close to both of them or at least her so she has you as a confidante, a trustworthy person - i. You cannot expect to be successful in digging around behind her back anyways. So, support her, make sure she knows that you are there for her, be truly happy that she found someone etc.
You can try to pull the guy into the family; i. Make those relaxed events, not "tests". If and when you see signs of danger; then you act, with decisiveness. By supporting her, confronting the boy, and so on. Aside from that, you have precious little leverage, and being negative about it upfront will likely spoil whatever "power" you have in the situation. I heard stories from my parents: But he would stay on with her parents, playing cards sometimes late into the night. So, her parents my maternal grandparents got to know Dad as a friend and potential son-in-law, through their own play-dates, not just from whole-family gatherings.
But things were different then — she was trained by her mother to be a housewife and was not expected to go to school past 12th grade. Her own mother only went to school through 8th grade, which was normal for girls at that time. So, it seems to me that the issue isn't the difference in their ages, so much as that she's too young in this time to have a serious relationship that could be potentially long term. A younger man would realize that they both have further life changes, but he might already be on a career track.
But that depends on the career: So maybe they are closer together in terms of life stages, than implied in the post. So I repeat my conclusion above: It is perfectly reasonable for you to be feeling anxious about the well being of your daughter. Age differences aside, she is moving into a life of her own. Training wheels are off and she is going out into the world. There's always something you could find to be worried about as a parent.
If it's not age difference in the guy she's dating, it could be something else. I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that even if they are truly in love that she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on what girls her age do, university, traveling building a career. The risk of being hurt in a relationship is universal.
I don't think that is any more or less likely due to a mildly larger age gap than might be expected of a young woman. There are certainly couples with a larger age gap who are happy. There's really no guarantee and she just has to live through her own relationship experience. As far as getting pregnant, throughout human history, nay mammalian history, females have served an integral role as mothers.
It's a relatively recent and perhaps even baseless assumption that she will be happier pursuing university studies and a career. What is there to worry about her missing out on or that she will grow up to quickly if she finds a fulfilling life as a mother, just as many women have throughout history? Yes, even those mothers who are young by modern expectations can have a very fulfilling life.
But all of the studies showing stay at home moms are happier and all of the examples of childless women who pursued their careers and ended up with regrets really don't mean anything when it comes to what will be the best life for your daughter. She may find that she wants to pursue that university and career path after all. Either way, if you are going to adopt the modern outlook on such things, you are going to have to accept that it's entirely up to her to choose her own path in life. I know the real concern.
You don't want to end up taking care of another newborn! Well, provided her partner has his life together, you could be a proud grandfather. Hopefully they are responsible enough to plan such a thing without any surprises. But if she gets pregnant and it doesn't work out, he's in a far worse situation than she. It's in his best interest to not get her pregnant because these days a man can lose all of his parenting rights and every penny he makes in such a situation. It's certainly cause for hesitation.
Maybe it would put you at ease to remind him that family courts most certainly will not be on his side and gauge how sensible he is when it comes to responsibly having premarital sex with your daughter. He does seem a very sensible person, he owns his own successful business although still living with parents. It sounds like they have something in common. Hey he could be a lot more mature and experienced than the guys her age. It could very well be much worse.
Unless there's some specific cause for alarm, I can't see anything to worry about here any more than if she were dating a guy who is I got together with my current girlfriend when she was 16 and I was Not AS big a difference, but a significant enough of one to be a concern for myself as well as it took a long time for me to be truly sure her parents approved. It was rather awkward for me to ask about it, as you'll understand, but it would have saved us all quite a bit of a headache if we had opened this conversation from either side.
The core reason I didn't go around my girlfriend to ask her parents this was mostly out of respect for her autonomy. She was "old for her age", and in the end it turned out her parents had never expected differently from her. Reading some of the other answers, I think everyone is pushing too much advice onto you and as a parent you already know much of what they are saying. Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life.
Have a conversation with your daughter about her excitement and experience instead of voicing your concerns. Make it about sharing what she is going through and what her fears are. Reassure her that love is not something to be afraid of. Tell her to embrace the intensity of her emotions so she can always remember these feelings.
Begin placing responsibility onto your daughter that keeps her involved in her own family's life. For example you can decide that Sundays she must help you to cook so that you can pass on your tricks to her. Go with her to do STI screenings and teach her that one must always keep getting checked regardless of monogamy and commitment.
"I'm 19, he's Is it weird that we're dating?" - HelloGiggles
It's just good habit. You already sound like a great parent so just continue being that. My first love was 14 years older than me and I can tell you that your concerns are justified. If he begins to mistreat her or you see any signs of emotional abuse then you can put your foot down in a loving and parental way. Her boyfriend and his family should be well aware of this fact.
Do you really like him for who he is or because he has an aura of sophistication and power? Is he pushing you do anything you feel uncomfortable with, physically or otherwise?
Then there are your friends—use them as a resource. See how he behaves—does he genuinely want to get to know them or is he phoning it in until he can be alone with you? After he hangs out with them a couple of times, ask their opinion and be open to the response. Questions may be edited for clarity and length. Is it weird that we're dating? Sarah Weir January 28, 6: Take care of yourself and be real.