Is a 21 year old dating a 16 year old

Take her up on some of those invitations to dinner, so you meet the parents. Make a good impression. I was dating a 17 year old at 21, everyone throught it was great, no-one outside of the few of us even realised there was an age difference.

CHIT CHAT: I'm 21 dating a 17 year old

Just back away as nicely as you can. Forget the taboo factor, her daddy's a cop. You could be as gentlemanly as is humanly possible, and he could still ruin your life. Any daddy can claim a false statutory rape, but a cop is going to have a better chance of making it stick. That would give you a criminal record featuring sex with a minor. Furthermore, there's a slim chance you'd wind up on the Sex Offender Registry. Be kind to her, of course - she may be a "very mature" 16, but she's still None of the logic behind this may matter to her. If this is love, true and deep, waiting a few years is nothing.

Consider it a test of the heart. That way, once she's 18, you'll be much more free to do as you please. Also, not advice, just random thoughts - after her parents have met you, what about telling her you'd like to ask her out, but feel a bit odd about the age difference, ask her what she thinks.

See what she says. Once she knows your interested, assuming she wants it to happen, then she might be your best ally in presenting it to her parents. Perhaps "dad, I'd like to date this friend of mine" might work better than "Mr XYZ, I'd like to date your underage daughter".

I don't know, just throwing something out. I see no problem with it, particularly if she's mature for her age But I think it depends though on the state though in terms of a sexual relationship do your homework if you become romantically involved posted by DudeAsInCool at Also, waiting until she's in collage might be a good idea - it's not long, and a lot of highschool taboo doesn't apply anymore. Reading Jilder's comment - yeah - make sure you're comfortable with the parents as well as they you.

Think "what could happen if I break her heart". Socially, you're much better off waiting until she's started college. Right now you'd be a twenty one year old guy dating a girl in high school -- doesn't matter how you dress that up, it still comes out looking really really bad.

It's a shame that arbitrary laws criminalize what could be otherwise fulfilling relations between two people. C'est la vie in your particular jurisdiction. As others have said, you could pursue a friendship and bide your time before getting romantically involved, but be prepared for some tests of character. Well age of consent is a very arbitrary concept. Why are teens in Arizona assumed to be less mature than teens in Ohio? It doesn't make any sense. Besides, social conventions and practices are not necessarily tied to the legal age of consent.

Relationships with such age differences happen all the time, it depends on the individuals. But, you're thinking of asking permission of the parents, and you're thinking of avoiding sex - that's two complications you don't need at If she already has such a crush on you, how are you going to deal with dating without getting sexual?

What if she wants to? You're going to be leading her on that way. You can't date her and then suddenly turn all "oh no no you're only 16" when sex comes up, and oh it will come up, don't delude yourself. If you're going to treat her like a child then do it from the start and just don't start anything. A relationship has to be on equal terms at any age. Legally, it's shaky enough that I'd stay away from the situation. Socially--when I was in high school, there were year-olds dating men ten years their senior legally over the age of consent in that state.

I've seen the same thing now and then since, especially when I've been in work environments with a lot of younger folk. In general, other teenagers think it's cool that you're so openminded, that she could impress an older guy, and are cool with the idea in general. Most adults think it's creepy, and no amount of justification or rationalization can change their minds, even if upon meeting the sixteen-year-old the adult in question would guess her to be much older.

Whether it's "acceptable" depends on your community, but for dating a teenager not to hurt you at all socially, you'd have to hang out in either a very open-minded social group, or a very young one. Dude, her dad is a cop. Seriously, I would not touch this with the proverbial ten-foot pole. Right over there, other side of the tall grass, in front of the mall! I later found out about her age and decided that I shouldn't do anything about it. Quite apart from the age thing, I'd be wary of a relationship with someone who worked for a family member too.


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Maybe you don't plan on having sex. There's a chance you actually won't do that. You know who cares? Not your neighbors in twenty years when they find out they live next to a sex offender. You can't prove you didn't have sex. Maybe she can't prove you did, but recent high-profile cases indicate she probably won't have to. IMHO, that and the sex offender registry for "crimes" like this is a complete bullshit way of operating a justice system -- but, such is the system as it stands. Know that going in. If you lived in another state, where the age was 16, my advice might be different. But in today's legal climate, the advice to stay far away could not be made strongly enough.

I'll be honest I came here wanting people to tell me it was okay, I wasn't totally crazy to ask this chick out, because even though I had made up my mind, it was still bugging the hell out of me which should have been all I needed to know it was wrong. And I got that, some of you are saying do it, but even with the support it still just doesn't seem right for some reason. I like to think of myself as having a more logical thought process then an average person so this whole thing has been driving me bonkers trying to figure out.

You all make very good, and valid points, but I think pleeker and twistofrhyme bring it home, I know I could keep from bringing sex up, but if she wanted it I don't know if I could stop it, and therein is the biggest rub I guess. My biggest concern is and should be her, I don't want to hurt her or make her fear relationships at such an important time in her life for relationships.

As such I think I should just steer clear. I think you've made the right choice. It's a teenage girl thing. They don't want to be kids anymore, they want to be seen as mature by their friends and family. She probably looks like an adult, and acts like an adult, but upstairs, she's still a kid. And her dad's a cop. Like someone said, there's a reason they're called Jailbait. Echoing what others have said, it doesn't matter how "mature" she is, a 16 year old is in a totally different place, mentally and physically than a 21 year old.

To be frank, you might want to consider where you are psychologically that are you are even interested in this girl. Arizona sex offenders are routinely placed on lifetime probation, and have a lot of restrictions and invasions in their lives as long as they remain on it. You should be wary of any year-old girl lavishing you with attention. It's not just possible, but probable, that it's not really you she likes, but the simple fact that a year-old man is paying even the smallest bit of attention to her.

Teenagers get very bored very easily. These relationships rarely work in the long run. There are exceptions, of course, but in my opinion, even if you're totally in love with her, this is a very, very bad idea. I feel like I had plenty of self-confidence and positive sexual awareness at that age, but I remember being attracted to other people in their mid-teens rather than older people.

I can't begin to read her mind any more than the rest of the people in this thread can , but just from what you're saying, it sounds like she's not even necessarily expressing sexual interest in you. Beyond your own attraction to her, you're also being forced to think of this in sexual or potentially-sexual terms by a few other factors the laws, the fact that her dad's a cop. I think the best thing you could do is stay her friend and give her your support and advice as she navigates the landscape of relationships and sex in college.

I think it's really sad that some people in this thread are saying you can't be her platonic friend and should drop all interaction with her. But I do think you need to consider your relationship carefully and communicate with her VERY clearly from now on. I'm in agreement with Brittanie, but for slightly different reasons.

Your starting point for legal information

I think men have an easy time picking up younger women. Younger women, in my experience, want to learn everything that a more mature man can teach them. In the teens, a single year makes a big difference in terms of maturity. You've gone through the experiences of living on your own, finding work, and supporting yourself financially and emotionally. A year-old still has Mommy and Daddy's support to fall back on if anything should go wrong.

You're well beyond that point-- do you want to have to sneak your girlfriend out of her parent's house to stay out late? Want to take her to get drunk with your friends? You're at different stages of life; its not to say that you can't love her or share an emotional bond, but I think it will be a fragile bond due to the difference in maturity and the barriers created by the law and social norms. She's probably enamored with you because you have so much more experience than her, which I entirely understand. But at some point, you'll want someone who understands your experiences and can teach you a thing or two.

Its easy for older guys to pick up younger women-- but I'm not sure if they satisfy our needs. I mean it - do not EVER let yourself be in any situation where the two of you are alone - without witnesses - in a social setting. For her protection, and for yours. No matter how honorable your intentions or hers , there may be other people who may try to turn any opportunity into a chance to "get" you.

Whatever you do together, do it in public - go to the zoo, concerts, parks, etc. In your case 0. Sorry, looks like you have to wait till you're 23 and she's Yeah, I know it's not a real rule but it does have a certain intuitive appeal. B On the other hand if you can keep it non-nude for a couple of years, then that's ok too ; posted by singingfish at 5: Chiming in, blackout, you are displaying unusual wisdom by leaving this opportunity on the table for a few years. There is really no upside to having this relationship at this point. Arizona society has issued its opinion on the issue, wrong or not.

You can fight City Hall on this concept, and maybe win, but it still means a fight. Fights are costly and since the 'other guy' is much bigger, your chances are slim to none in prevailing. Its wiser to avoid a fight. What's truly remarkable about Mr. Blackout, is that you are doing it in advance! This will come in handy over the next few decades. Congratulations on making a good choice and taking care of both of you. The "dad is a cop" angle is delightful. Are you freaking serious? Wisdom in music yes, I know you plan to keep it non-physical: When true love knocked on my door, she'd just barely turned sixteen; And I was a little bit nervous, if you know just what I mean.

But I heard somewhere that true love conquers all, and figured that was that, then I started havin' dreams 'bout bein' chased out of town wearin' nothing but my cowboy hat. I said, "No deal We did not actually have sex, though it was very difficult. In the end, despite that she was very mature for fifteen, the age difference wound up being a problem. That little voice saying it doesn't seem right? Not too many people seem to comprehend the idea that she might actually want to have sex with you. This is a distinct possibility that complicates things further.

My Son Is Dating a Minor: Should I Be Worried About the Legal Implications?

Shame about the law, but there it is. A friend of mine dated a girl that was under 18 in Phoenix, AZ. He was probably 19 or This was a few years back, so I don't remember exact age. But, he got consent from the parents and started dating this chick. A month down the road, he pissed the girl off, which in turn pissed off the parents and they took it to the cops.

They warned him to stay away, but how could he? He already spent a month dating this chick like every day and he wanted to work things out. And you know she probably only stayed upset for like a day or two, while the parents never forgot. So while trying to work things out picking her up from school, taking her out more, etc he somehow ended up in prison for few years. I guess the moral of the story is that parents can change their mind about consent while you too are deeply in love.

Run away right now. Especially with this discussion here, now, in the public record. When I was 15 I briefly dated a guy about your age. There were upsides and downsides but ultimately it didn't work out.


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  8. I couldn't go to bars with him which was a pain. His friends' girlfriends were older and thought I was too young and weren't particilarly nice about it. He wanted to have sex and I didn't want to. In my world this was normal and in his world it totally wasn't. When I stayed out late with him it was, again, normal for him and really not normal for me. In fact, my Mom flipped out once when I came home at 3 am and threatened to have him arrested for statutory. That fight has created a rift between us to this day my Mom and I.

    My Son Is Dating a Minor | CRC Health Group

    In the end, we broke up because I didn't want to have sex with him. In looking back at it, he was somewhat immature and generally into dating high school girls, which seemed cool to me, a high school girl, at the time, but now I'm sort of like "what was he thinking? If it were me, I'd wait and see what college brings her, assuming she'll ber more independent from her family, out on her own etc. On the off chance that she's the one for you, she'll still be there.

    Do you remember the old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? Ok, good, my work here is done for those of you who are late to the game.

    Why women's rights activists want a "no" vote for Brett Kavanaugh

    On Wednesday, the Supreme Judicial Court ruled a year-old girl is permitted to enter into a sexual relationship with an adult despite parental opposition. The justices based their ruling on a Massachusetts law that established the legal age of sexual consent as The year-old girl at the center of the ruling was dating year-old Gregory Compton of the United Kingdom. The relationship largely took place over the internet using Skype, Facebook, and other social media platforms; however, court documents revealed the couple had planned to meet on three separate occasions.

    The father, after instructing Compton and his daughter to end the relationship, was issued a restraining order against Mr. Compton by two Salem District Court judges. The father in this case may have acted in an extreme manner by seeking a restraining order, but was simply attempting to protect his daughter from a sexual threat.

    A 24 year-old man living nearly 3, miles away is not likely to have pure intentions with a year-old girl. Even though Compton thought the daughter was 18, engaging in a relationship with a stranger living across the Atlantic has the appearance of being dishonorable. There are scientific facts supporting why teenagers are not rational decision makers. By deeming the age of consent sixteen, Massachusetts endangers children who are ill equipped to make rational decisions or shoulder the emotional and financial consequences of a sexual relationship.