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Now, i have no stranger to my process. Great gal, horrible taste in men. I used to joke that if there was one unemployed, drug-addicted, criminally inclined asshat in a crowded room of wonderful, caring, loving men…. I read every self-help book there was about women who pick the wrong men. I asked the advice of everyone I knew.
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If there was a tactic, I tried it, a set of rules, I followed them, but the end result, with limited exceptions, was almost always the same. I would spend a year or two supporting an emotionally unavailable jackass who did nothing but make me feel bad about myself. One of the most transformative things about my diagnosis was getting to re-write this part of my story.
It dictated who I picked. It gave me a blindside a million miles wide. It was the reason I was willing to rationalize away almost every kind of bad behavior….
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There are many things about having ADHD that make my life amazing and better than it would be without it, but when it came to relationships, it is my Achilles heel. I meet people and then I am in a relationship with them. There are only those two steps. This is a common problem amongst us ADHDers and the next 5 mistakes will help explain why.
If there is one thing that characterized every relationship I have ever been it, it is this. New love is incredibly interesting and produces a ton of dopamine and oxytocin. Unfortunately, this often means we go so fast that we end up making Mistake 2.
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I used to think I was just color-blind when it came to red-flags because I never saw them until it was too late for them to be useful. This is a step we often miss and when we do, we may find ourselves laying on the ground, with a banged up heart, wondering what the hell just happened. One of the hallmarks of my past relationships was that I never noticed all those red flags on the road to rock bottom… but once I got there, they were all I could see. This is an example of what can happen when we hyperfocus on the relationship in the early stages and put all our efforts towards making it work.
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Eventually, our attention shifts to other things which causes very real changes in the relationship. So, having a brain full of dopamine is pretty great and being in a new relationship is also pretty great and when you combine them it is very easy to want to make those great things happen ALL THE TIME! You may not realize until the moment you need them the most that you lost them along the way.
In my life, magic land is the place where all magical thinking, like that I am someday going to win the lottery, happens. We ADHDers are really great at creating this kinds of places and we really like to spend a lot of time there.