Internet dating edicate
When I am instructing my male clients, I tell them to imagine they are talking to their sister or grandmother at first. The opening is just to start a conversation. You are a human being first and a potential mate second. Be respectful, be engaging, and be excited to meet them.
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You met on an online dating site. You know their real name and possibly their social media handles. While both men and women do this, I find the ladies do it a bit more. It makes sense as women are usually more communicative than guys. Take the social media dive slowly. Learn about each other in person instead of scrolling through their posts. Do what normal people do and just silently stalk them from the shadows! Nobody should be stalking anybody. One of my current clients met someone on OkCupid, and they exchanged numbers.
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They sent a few texts back and forth, but then he started blowing up her phone. This guy basically sabotaged his chances. Biologically speaking, humans are pack animals, and to be accepted into the pack, we must be similar to the others in the pack. This means we do what others do in order to seem like them. We like people who are similar to us in actions. If they write two sentences, respond with two sentences. If they write two paragraphs, write two paragraphs.
If they tell you a slightly embarrassing story, guess what you should do?
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Tell them a slightly embarrassing story! Did you like it? People are just testing the water with their first emails. There is no correlation between bad spelling or grammar and intelligence. Einstein was notoriously bad. However, there is a perceived link. Meaning, if you use improper grammar or have many typos, people have the impression that you are not that smart. Online dating is all about first impressions.
You want to have everything going for you as much as you can in the beginning. I know you use internet slang and text language to your friends, but this is not your friend. You want to impress them at least a little.
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Re-read your messages once before you send them to make sure there are no glaring mistakes. Part of dating is maximizing your time as well. One of the primary purposes of etiquette in general is to make others feel comfortable. Consequently, the comfort and, by extension the safety, of yourself and your online potential mate is at the mercy of manners.
Just as you would never consider asking a blind date for his Visa number over drinks, do not be crass enough to ask or answer such an inquiry online. These numbers may be for a background check, but more likely for identity theft. It is both rude and hazardous to ask for or give a home or work address to someone you meet online at a dating site.
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So mind your manners and keep sensitive information to yourself online and never ask for his identifying information. If you are simply not interested in someone who contacts you, it is acceptable to ignore them online. The silent treatment is fine on the Internet in a way that would be impossibly awkward if someone approached you in person.
If you chat online and decide there's no potential for a match, don't contact that person and he will get the message, or lack thereof. Failure to respond to someone's overtures is sufficient rejection--you do not have to be explicit about your lack of interest in a casual online contact. An advantage to online dating is the ease of ending the relationship.
More men than women advertise on most dating sites, so the girls get the pick of the bunch. Read the profiles that get most views, and pick up tips from them. Tweak your bio and try changing your photos. Also — have you contacted anyone yourself? Time moves fast in online dating. Six messages in total — not each — is enough to know whether you want a date. Learn from your bad and boring dates and try again.
Chivalry means being attentive, thoughtful and fair, not paying for all the food. Ignore those rules about waiting three days to get in touch. If you like someone, you have nothing to lose by letting them know. How soon should you message after a first date?
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