Uncertainty dating relationships

Just talking can help decrease your discomfort and, thereby, the intensity of the urges to make poor decisions. As you try to tolerate your feelings, you will notice the voice inside your head trying to persuade you to abandon your efforts and pursue a less optimal but more comfortable plan.

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Be skeptical of this, as you can easily convince yourself that that voice is the voice of reason. Check your logic with an objective person before taking action. Remember, like most growth experiences, learning how to tolerate emotional discomfort becomes easier the more you practice.

As you develop a greater ability to manage your emotions, you will notice yourself becoming more resourceful during the difficult moments in your relationships. And with that resiliency, you will become different in the world in general — more open to life.

  • The beauty of uncertainty.
  • 2. Take care of your feelings.!
  • 1. Acknowledge that it sucks..

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The beauty of uncertainty

Group 11 Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. So, here are five tips to help you tolerate discomfort rather than being ruled by it: Acknowledge that it sucks. Take care of your feelings. Don't trust your rationalizations. Rhonda Milrad is a licensed clinical social worker with many years of experience as a relationship therapist.

The Five Stages of Dating

She is also the founder and chief relationship advisor of Relationup, an Emma Loewe 3 hours ago. Integrative Health integrative health. Gretchen Lidicker 4 hours ago. Functional Food icon functional food. Jason Wachob 5 hours ago. Hmm, I find this so interesting! We are a generation that loves to know what to expect.

They have made their fortune by making information and knowledge searchable and accessible to people because we love to know. As a culture, we are becoming less and less comfortable with the unknown. Well I guess it makes sense, if the answers are at your fingertips why continue on in ignorance!

Kiss on the First Date?

But we cannot possibly know all things for certain. Relationships are one of those situations where the outcome is unclear—we can never know for sure what the future will hold. Therefore, we have to learn how to tolerate and cope with the foreign irritant known as uncertainty. Some people are better at handling uncertainty then others; I like to call these people relationship supermates or more formally: They can roll with the punches and cope their way through anxiety-provoking situations. However, if you are anything like me, the relationships that you were exposed to growing up did not foster such a secure outlook on uncertainty.

For me, the more predictable the better: Relationships are anything but predictable, they are messy, require risk and vulnerability. If you are not one of the relationship supermates that can tolerate uncertainty join the club , there are generally one of two ways you will react when faced with this nemesis.

You may either respond with an urge to control and therefore enforce certainty, or you may avoid uncertainty at all costs. If you respond with the urge to find the answer, to move towards and to regain a sense of control, chances are you fit the criteria for an anxious attachment style.


This attachment style deals with uncertainty by looking for answers. They may ask a lot of questions and require more reassurance and affirmation than other attachment styles. They often engage in activating strategies in an attempt to eliminate their anxiety. On the other hand, the avoidant attachment style will react in the opposite way.


They often resort to deactivating strategies in an attempt to tolerate or deal with anxiety. This is challenging because building a secure intimate connection with someone requires vulnerability. The reality is that both the anxious and avoidant attachment styles are affected by uncertainty, they just deal with and respond to it in different ways.

Both styles can learn to cope with uncertainty by:.

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When faced with uncertainty we automatically use our mental magnifying glass to search for all of the possible outcomes that are out of our control. This type of thinking is bound to make us feel anxious. When you shift your focus to what you can control, you regain your power in the situation.