Dating a pessimistic guy

Eventually, though, you will begin to feel a little more closed-in and unable to make your own decisions.

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Additionally, the decisions you do make could feel judged or looked down upon. For this reason, a man or woman who is a control freak is unable to build a healthy relationship with an equal and should be avoided. Dating an eternal pessimist is akin to trying to go for a swim with an anchor tied to your ankle.

A Rough Patch Or A Bad Attitude? Signs You Are Dating A Pessimist

To try to build a relationship someone who is always complaining or seeing the negative side of things will be increasingly difficult over time because their attitude will begin to rub off on you if you let it , and while you may not become as negative, you could easily stop always trying to see the silver lining of a situation because they will keep shooting you down. If you are a naturally positive person, being with someone else who has a similar attitude will elevate your level of happiness, and anyone who does the opposite should be moved on from. Most of you reading this probably remember Silly Putty.

It was a super flexible substance that you could do whatever you wanted with. You could even pull it so hard that it separated apart, but then you could just put it back together again and continue to mold it.

Flexibility and compromise in a relationship is important, but so is having your own opinions and point of view. As an intelligent, independent adult — your best partner is someone with the same qualities.

Optimist in love with a pessimist. Any tips? - relationships optimism pessimism | Ask MetaFilter

The opposite of Silly Putty is that hardened Play-Doh stuff. When it would get hard it would have no flexibility at all — it would just stay the way it is and break apart if you tried to do anything with it. So it goes with someone who is so self-absorbed that everything needs to revolve around them, requiring them to do essentially nothing but be catered to. We should never want to change our partner, but their willingness to be flexible and compromise is essential to ensuring the happiness of both teammates in a relationship. Unfortunately, our society and social media have blurred the lines between people who appreciate nice things, and those who live their lives around them.

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I have noticed this more often lately, as people who have plenty of depth and character are judged because they choose to drive a nice car or wear nice clothes. That being said, there are of course, still many people out there who will only look to you because of what you can provide for them. The problem here is that this strategy always leaves us wanting, as we are searching for something externally which we can only find by looking within.

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People like this will never be able to be your equal partner in a relationship, as they have not yet completed discovering themselves. Never allow yourself to be consistently discouraged or torn down by someone who is supposed to love you. You really do love the universe and all who reside there; you even ended your email to me with kisses! It may sound mean-spirited, but while none of us fancies cohabiting with the Grinch, at least misery gives you something to work with. Joy acts like a trampoline, everything that touches it bouncing right back off it.

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  • Inhabiting the same space as someone so unrelentingly jocular, who unilaterally loves life, must be pretty exhausting. Perhaps, ironically, it's your capacity for extreme happiness that's driven your partner to the opposite extreme. You only seem to see the downside when it's your beloved. On a more positive note, you may be hitched to Mr Grumpy but you've lucked out on the in-laws; not a single one worthy of ducking behind a pot plant to avoid a chance encounter with.

    A Rough Patch Or A Bad Attitude? Signs You Are Dating A Pessimist

    As someone so focused on the bright side, I'm sure that's already occurred to you. It could just be me: I'm suspicious of extremes, and your ebullience is causing me concern. You describe your partner as "one of the loveliest men" and I keep getting stuck on the "one of".

    Just in case my instinct is right, and you are thinking of other lovely men, can I caution you against the bombastic bon viveur , a tempting character, I know, when you are long-term hitched and displays of unmitigated enthusiasm are thin on the ground. It can be dazzling in the focused light of their joie de vivre , but just as swiftly they'll point their beam elsewhere, roving the terrain for new converts and leaving you deeper in darkness. Moving on is certainly not a crime, but if it's tempting you, make sure you're doing so for the right reasons.

    Most of us find it a challenge to stay put for the duration now that we're living three times as long as our ancestors used to. If your worldview has become so diametrically opposed to your lover's, it may indeed be time to call time. A pessimist simply doesn't recognise the world through optimistic eyes and vice versa, but in relationships many of us get typecast as one or the other before we're even aware the auditioning phase is over. You're playing Mr Jolly to your partner's Mr Morose.

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    How about switching roles? Could you countenance as an experiment lowering the tone of your giddy delight? Without you to rely on to pull him up, your partner might have to do a bit of the legwork himself. Likewise spare a thought for how far you might drift without his ballast. When you've been together for decades, surprising each other is essential fuel for reinvention.