Dating woman who was abused

Heed my warning when dating an abused woman! | SoSuave Discussion Forum

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When She’s Known Emotional Abuse These Are The Things You Need To Know Before Dating Her

She may not be the most confident. Kirsten Corley Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave , a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words. More From Thought Catalog. The Invisible War Zone: The look in our eyes will be a veil of fear or sadness. Most people who have been the victim of abuse, emotional or physical, understand you are different. With time and gentle touches or soft whispers, we will begin to heal.

The cracks between scars where we began to come apart like a rag doll will reconnect.

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With enough time, every slammed door will not feel like a rejection, a punishment, or an alarm before a loud and violent storm. These are not your wounds to heal, but we are thankful every day that we wake up and you are still there beside us , helping us and trying to see who we are and who we are trying to become.

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It is undoubtedly unfair that we have fallen in love with you, a perfect representation of everything tender and restorative after something so damaging. It is equally unfair that sometimes we cut your soft, perfect skin on our sharpened edges without meaning to. We never meant to involve you…wanted to involve you. Many of us would rather stay alone, save ourselves, believing because of the abuse it is better this way. And while it is an unfair situation with heartache to spare, something inside both of us lets us know it is worth it no matter the damage.

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Needless to say, that date ended shortly thereafter. While I have spent so much energy in trying to explain how to react to finding out you are dating a survivor, I have not yet addressed the most important part of this experience: I find it very difficult to allow myself to care deeply about anyone these days, even platonic friends.

When a survivor tells you their story, you should always thank them for trusting you with that information. It is no easy task to be open about this, and when we are, we are the putting ourselves in the most vulnerable position possible. A word of caution: While this is much, much easier said than done, we must remember that when someone reacts poorly to our survivorship, it does not mean that we are any less of a person.

To all the non-survivors out there: This originally appeared on Odyssey.

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