Dating female pastors
The writer of Proverbs tried to do the same thing Dr. Taylor did for us in seminary that day: That you may observe discretion, and your lips may reserve knowledge. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of Sheol.
She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it. He gets rather explicit in his counsel to a young husband to satisfy himself intimately with his wife and with no one else. We think of the sons of Eli, the high priest. The Lord had no patience with such antics and put them out of business quickly 4: Timothy was a young pastor, and therefore needed to be forewarned about this kind of temptation.
His mentor, the Apostle Paul, spoke of the time when men in the church—not the world! If temptation would tell the truth, no minister would ever succumb to its enticements. The devil, however, has no intention of ever revealing a list of side effects. Listen to him and you would think to disobey God is the way to fulfillment and happiness. Too late does he find out the truth of the old adage, that sin will take you farther than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay, and cost far more than you ever intended to pay.
She is unhappily married. Her husband has disappointed her in a hundred ways. Sitting in church week after week, it occurs to her that you are everything she has ever wanted in a husband. You are kind and gracious, thoughtful and spiritual. You love the Lord and are devoted to your family.
The Lawsuit Against Victoria
You earn a good living and you do not drink or smoke or hang out in bars. So, she fixates on you. Now, if she were rational, she would know that by seducing you—or winning you, however she would put it—all of those wonderful qualities she admires would suddenly go away: In most cases, she thinks clearly enough not to actually try to break up your marriage although that has happened often enough.
She merely feels a strong attraction to you and puts herself in a position for you to pick up on it. Consciously or unconsciously, she becomes a trap for the unsuspecting minister. If you never suffered from claustrophobia before, you do now. This really is the woman the Proverb-writer describes. And, in case one wonders, I seriously doubt that Solomon wrote this. The man with 1, girlfriends is in no position to offer such advice as we find in Proverbs 4! Although he surely knew the truth of it! Such a woman seems to be amoral, without a sense of wrongness about anything she does.
She justifies making herself available to the minister by statements such as: You will not know her by her adornments. No one would ever pick her out of a crowd as a party-girl. But she is your biggest enemy. In order to pull that off, her primary tactic involves a spending a lot of time around you, perhaps volunteering in the office but more likely volunteering as your personal assistant, b telling you intimate things about her own life, and c asking you to unburden yourself with her.
If she cannot worm her way into your life any other way, look for her to befriend your wife and begin showing up in your home on a regular basis. Unless your wife is on your team, nothing about this is good from that moment on. There she is, the girl of your dreams. Maybe not the most beautiful woman in the world, but all things considered—her looks, her personality, her laughter, her spirituality, and a few other qualities that defy description—she is everything you ever wanted in a woman. You get all swimmy-headed around her. You wonder if she does not pick up on all the vibrations your body is sending out.
There are a few problems, of course. And so you wisely tell yourself this can never be, that regardless of how wonderful she is, she is off-limits to you. The problem is you keep being drawn to her and thrown with her committees, work projects, etc. Because proximity fosters intimacy, unless you do something quickly, you are a goner.
In most cases, you cannot tell your wife this. You need a mentor who will be tough with you. If you have none, find yourself one now! Confide in him before you make the mistake of your life. In most cases, this mixed up lady has come to you for counsel, asking you to tell her what to do. You listen to her whole complex life story. By focusing on the individual and not comparing them with anyone else, we can see it.
In the seclusion of the counseling room, as she unburdens herself with intimate details of her life, the minister may feel emotionally drawn to her. Pastors should almost never become professional counselors. When church members come to you for help with problems, if it cannot be solved in a session or two, refer them to a trained professional.
"Your words have stood men on their feet." Job 4:4
The minister of worship meets with the organist or pianist or his personal assistant or whoever on a regular basis to plan the services. The youth minister has frequent conferences with his secretary or a young woman in the church who assists in programming. You must be proactive in heading off any possibility of a compromised situation.
Billy Graham decided early in his ministry never to be alone with a woman at any time. Some might find that extreme, but say what you will, his long and very public evangelistic ministry was never tainted in the least by sexual scandal or innuendo. Let the home fires get cold and you are setting yourself up for trouble, pastor.
A pastor I know makes frequent mention of his wife from the pulpit. He makes it abundantly clear that he loves her dearly and, may I say, you get the impression that their intimate relationship is strong. He makes sure the church knows and supports his devotion to his wife and family, which means among other things that his off-time is as holy as his time in the office. When he counsels women in his office, my pastor friend takes care. The door has a small window which allows anyone to see inside. At an agreed-upon time, his assistant phones to allow him an excuse to end the session.
He is not a hugger. You may hug anyone under 6 and over Other than that, keep your hands to yourself.
Rationalize it how you will, the hugging pastor is usually trying to get some need of his own met by this physical activity. And, justify it however he tries, I guarantee you there are plenty of women in the church who would be thrilled to learn he wll not be touching them in this way again.
Often, the sexual temptation arises solely from within the minister, and not from the woman. My mentor in the ministry, Dr. Get your act together, man of God.
Female Pastors And Their…Colorful Pasts
Be strong in the Lord. He would like nothing better than to destroy you, make a laughingstock of you in the community, end your ministry, and hurt those dearest to you. And last one comment from a prof. Thanks for pastoring Pastors. Clarke Hensley several decades ago. Then, maybe 10 or 12 years ago, he brought out an updated version. Anyone looking for it should try amazon. Thanks for reminding us. Joe, you hit a home run again!
This is good advice for not only for the young minister, but also for the one who has been a pastor for many years. It is interesting that you mentioned your friend James Richardson. Joe, please keep writing. You are an encouragement not only to young ministers but also to us who have been at it a long time. As a young minister who has been recently married yesterday made it 3 months , I would like to say thank you. You are certainly right that if the ruined minister had taken time to count the cost of giving into temptation then he would not do it.
I have, in the past, seen hints at some of these to watch out for. Your advice is some that I will continue to remind myself of. I praise God for what he has done in my life, and I pray that I always know and remember how blessed I am. I have witnessed a pastor having dinner with a woman church member in a restaurant near his home, separated by an alley. He thought he was discreet to select such a secluded spot. After dinner, he walked the woman back to his apartment resident and had his way with her because she was in there for a long time. The woman is active in all church activities.
She never misses church services and attends warrior prayer meetings that last till 2: The woman makes a point to see the pastor as frequently as she can. So far the pastor has not yet been ousted, but his days are numbered as documented evidents mount. This pastor is married but his wife is not with him. Soon the world will know about the duplicitous life led by some of the so called men of God who prey upon the meek and helpless. My wife was preyed on by a 60 yr old, married, drunken, serial-cheating preacher last year.
He had been having affairs for the 8 yrs he had preached and had fooled everyone but me. He was arrogant enough to think I would not have solid proof. He nearly destroyed my family and contributed to our divorce after nearly three decades of marriage. Thankfully, I sought wise counsel and God to help me through that dark time.. After his firing and telling his congregation that he needed to work on his marriage, he was caught by his wife with my then ex-wife one last time. His wife divorced him, he has never returned to the pulpit. It is a shame that so many men in positions of power, trust and authority take advantage of our vulnerable women.
They will pay on judgement day. And when people have read our articles on pastors being careful of certain women in the church, invariably someone tells me the problem is often the reverse—pastors doing the preying. I agree and have written on that also. Why put all the blame on the women? I see more news stories about predatory pastors than predatory congregants.
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Just do a Google search. So, am working on a followup article. Very helpful and right on time. Sometimes they even try to get their attention even by the phone. I have a question, should the ministers keep having communication with them? It is so bad these days to exchange phone numbers, you never know who you dealing with. Men should have men numbers and women have women numbers.
Thank you so much. God bless you and your marriage and ministry. I am a victim of Clergy Sexual Abuse at the hands of my former pastor. Please educate yourself about the seriousness of this issue. There are many predators behind the pulpit. Here is a list of great resources to learn more about this abuse:. Peter Rutter Is Nothing Sacred? Last comment for the day. Would you apply the same points to women who are clergy? In this time and age you can be approach by either sex and thus one should be aware and guard oneself against sexual immorality period!
One has to write about what he knows. Perhaps you could write that article. I have to express again my appreciation for your wisdom. This raises an issue for me, the resident pastor. The first plan is that under no circumstance will I, or the other male staff, be alone in a room with one of the women. However, my mother-in-law is the general manager so that works too. What this implies and tells the clients also is that confidentiality does not apply among staff. To be more clear what I mean is, straff will keep confidentiality among each other and will not discuss anything about the clients outside of the organization however, none of us promise that we will not discuss client issues with other staff members.
Friends from outside of church have suggested that she look to her congregation for prospects. But for her, that's definitely off-limits. But she wasn't looking for love. Her husband had died of cancer, and she was looking for someone to spend time with, for companionship.
A friend suggested she try Match. Along with that, she felt like people wouldn't understand what it meant to be a Baptist minister, or they would have preconceived notions of what she would be like. There are stereogypes about Baptists. And there are stereotypes about women in leadership," Cassida said. Instead, she said she worked for a nonprofit organization. Then, she started exchanging messages with a man who was a professor.
And the day came when he, too, asked what she did for a living. He invited her to go bicycling, to see each other "one more time. Amy Gearhardt, a senior pastor at Missouri United Methodist church, also tried online dating. A divorced, single mom, she was also just looking for companionship. Instead, she eventually ended marrying someone from her congregation.