Dos and donts of dating after divorce

You just got out of a committed relationship. If you jump into another relationship, you may end up with the same type of partner you just broke up with.

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Remember, the dating scene changes all the time. Even if you've only been out of it for five years, it's going to look different when you jump back in. It sure did for me. If you're in your 40s, don't run around like you're in your 20s, going out to nightclubs and parting all night. Maybe that was never you to begin with, so don't try it now!

Maybe bowling is your thing -- so go bowling! Or go to an art exhibit, the theater, whatever -- but make sure you're being true to yourself.

Do’s and Don’ts for Dating After Divorce

Don't jump into bed right away. Don't jump in bed with first person who shows you attention. I get it, you are just out of a relationship and you want to feel attractive again. You want to feel like someone wants you again. It was this extreme contrast with what Laura was doing and what I was lacking that made me suddenly realize that I had a lot of work to do on myself, especially if I wanted to get out of my frumpy persona and into a sexy dateable one.

Feeling secure when it comes to dating after divorce is easier said than done, especially when it has been a while. Many women struggle with their confidence. The bottom line, however, is when you feel confident, you attract love in your life.

Dating after Divorce: The Dos and Don'ts

Here are some dos and don'ts for attracting a man so you can be on your way to feeling "dating confident. Many times when you are too focused on the results, you forget to be in the present. You feel insecure and inadvertently send messages with your body language that you are closed and unapproachable. Avoid standing with your arms folded or holding a purse in front of your body like a shield.

DO smile at everyone around you.

Dating After Divorce with Kids - Katherine Sellwood, PsyD

Invite people into your world. Notice I say smile at everyone, not just at the guy you're interested in. This is because smiling radiates positive energy and can cause powerful things to happen.

For example, let's say you give a warm smile to the older lady standing behind you in line at the grocery store. That hot guy a few feet away in the produce section might notice, get the impression that you're a friendly person, and come talk to you. See how that works? DON'T dress in clothes that don't fit your body. You are naturally more attractive when you are doing something you love, and the people you meet while you are enjoying yourself will recognize your enthusiasm for life. Your passion and personality will shine through and you will be instantly more attractive.

The dos and don'ts of dating after a divorce | Metro News

However, when you make quick decisions in dating, the frustration and emotional damage that result can cause you to burn out just as quickly. Taking time to really assess your wants and your needs in your love life will result in a more fulfilling dating experience.

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Give yourself the pleasure of being selective. You will be so much happier knowing that you chose quality over quantity, and you will boost the chances of attracting someone worthy of your time. Set New Social Goals: It can be very tempting to isolate yourself following a divorce or a break-up. It can be hard re-adjusting socially, especially if your ex has claimed some or all of your mutual friends. If you find yourself in a rut, why not incorporate some new goals for your social life? You can start with taking baby steps— adding some new people to your social circle.

Set a goal to make one or two new friends each month and by the end of the year you will know 12 to 24 new people! Go beyond connecting just on social media. Invite the new friend to coffee, lunch or out for drinks to have a chance of really getting acquainted. Find common interests and use the new friendship as an opportunity to explore new hobbies. Remember the bigger your social network, the better your odds to meet someone to date. If you feel that your social network is already big enough, another possible goal might include reconnecting with the friends you already have.

Host a monthly or quarterly event or set a goal to contact one friend each week simply to catch up. Most people will be happy to hear from you if it has been a while.