Online dating what to say in a message

There’s more to it than you think

This is simply part of the numbers game that is dating online and in real life , and it's the reason online courtship is not for those with rickety self-esteem and hair-trigger rejection sensitivity. Because most of your messages will go unanswered, doesn't mean there's anything wrong about you. Certainly you're brimming with foibles, but your intended date doesn't necessarily know that yet. Maybe you look too much like said recipient's ex, or you have three cats while he or she is deathly allergic, or he or she is not really interested in meeting dates IRL and just likes the ego boost of a bursting inbox.

And as we've said before, you simply cannot take it personally if you don't get a response.

7 Types of Online Dating Messages that Get Responses

That said, there are a few ways to at least make it past the person's "Oh God delete and possibly block" filter:. Indicate that you have actually read through their profile. Some OKCupid data-crunching found that phrases such as "notice that," "good taste" and "you mention" yield a high response rate. They indicate you took the time to learn about your target, instead of just peering at his pictures, letting a drop of drool roll slowly down your chin and then sending a generic message that makes him seem totally unspecial.

Everyone wants to feel like a unique and sparkly snowflake, so pick out something intriguing from his written profile his love of "X Files," his advertised salad-making skills, whatever and mention it in specific. Relatedly, praise is always an easy way to endear people to you and a much less slimy approach than the famed "neg. Uh, a literate, typing ape, that is. Research consistently shows that we like people who look, move and -- critically -- talk like us.

A Weird Tip for Online Dating That Works! - Mat Boggs

So tailor your tone to match that of the apple of your eye. She's wry and sarcastic?

How to write a successful online dating message - CNN

Turn on the drollery. He's earnest and passionate?


  1. How to Write Your First Online Dating Message | The Soulmates Blog.
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Amp up the sincerity. But -- cue the sappy learning-moment-in-"Full-House" music -- don't start blathering in a voice that feels totally phony to you, mmkay? We're assuming you're interested because you have some personality traits in common Maybe some people out there love receiving verbose messages, but we'd argue that brevity is a virtue.

Who's more intriguing -- the hottie at the bar who wanders over and rattles off a six-minute monologue blending compliments, autobiographical bits and small talk, or the Cool Kid who drops a quick remark and waits for encouragement to continue? Cap your first message at three or four sentences, tops. Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs.

These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit and we do!

First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs

This makes a certain sense: You might think that words like gorgeous , beautiful , and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:.


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  • The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out. We took a close look at salutations. The more informal standard greetings: There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie , band , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes! Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works.

    Awkward , sorry , apologize , kinda , and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages. A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.