Pcos hirsutism dating
If you do decide to bring it up, do not make a big deal about it. Do not try to hint at it. Just be simple and direct and say "I'd like it if you did this for me. After you bring it up you might give an opening: If you do this while you're gazing lovingly at each other or you're unclothed, it might not go so well. Might not anyhow, but you've got to decide if a few stray chin hairs are worth being seen as judgey about her appearance because you are being judgey.
You don't get to change her appearance while somehow pretending you're better than that. I think your GF is a badass already. I think if you want this minor aspect of her appearance to change, you have to own up to wanting exactly that and be willing to make changes for her, too. Oh, also, order matters here. Offering to defray the costs if she decides freely to remove the hairs is one thing; assuming beforehand that she will do so for you would be stupid on your part.
Also stupid would be if you ask for this and then complain about the time her beauty routine takes. I'm a woman, and I'm totally understanding the answers above- a woman's physical appearance is something that can trigger heaps of self doubt and general 'not confident-ness' - at the same time society feels like it's cool to dictate what a woman "should" look like.
That said, I totally get that one of the reasons you dig this woman is because you dig physical appearance. He has also expressed a preference for longer hair what, it should all be on my head and nowhere else?? These can be hugely tricky conversations to have- it's OK for you to have a preference, it's OK for her to not agree with that preference when it comes to her own body. In the wrong moment, these conversations can be hugely crushing for me- However, we have had positive conversations about this- mostly, though, when I bring it up.
I think making loving compromises for each other is something that makes a relationship- he doesn't eat seafood when he is with me, because I have an allergy. I shave my legs more often than I did when I was single. I don't feel like this is a huge imposition on my life. On the other hand I keep my hair the way I like it- ultimately I have to be happy with it. On the other foot, he's currently growing out his facial hair because I like it- I know lots of women with quite strong opinions on facial hair!
So, what is my advice for you, someone who wants to bring up something quite personal about a person you like very much? Pick a good moment- perhaps when you are having a conversation. Maybe "so what is your opinion on facial hair? What is her opinion on facial hair for you? If she mentions that she has them for a reason or likes them or whatever, you can continue on, knowing what she feels- you could let the conversation wander away.
If this conversation is going well, maybe say "so I've noticed that you've got some hairs on your chin" - this is neutral. Maybe she will get hurt- maybe she will be open. It's a massive thing to comment on a woman's physical appearance- especially in a close and trusting relationship. Choose wisely how you proceed! I would just talk about to her, she will probably start removing them once you do- she may have just been trying to ignore them or not noticing them anymore. I think the above comment is very good but I would be more direct- as the indirectness sometimes gets lots or misinterpreted and then that makes it even more awkward.
If it's a tactful and respectful conversation, then either the situation will be fixed or at least you will understand it better. Be prepared that if you do bring this up, it may make a small but real difference in the relationship. I well remember the only relationship I was in - back when I dated dudes - where the guy made little remarks about my appearance, and it just I remember pretty much every one of his remarks. I'm sure he didn't mean them unkindly, they were all pretty trivial except the one haircut I liked and he did not and I generally went along, but it did not contribute to a climate of equality in the relationship.
Me, I'd let something like this go and I pretty much always have. That would feel so patronizing that it would be hard for me to get past. It would not bother me at all if somebody I was dating turned to me while we were sitting on the couch or whatever and said casually, "Do you know you have a little chin hair there? For what it's worth, I was in a relationship for a long time where the length of my boyfriend's hair had a huge impact on my level of attraction to him; I talked about it, just basically being like - I really, really love it when you have shorter hair - and he mostly kept it short; sometimes he let it grow longer and it wasn't that big of a deal.
That said, in retrospect, I feel like one of the major issues in our relationship was that my attraction to my boyfriend was relatively fragile: I had to try to be attracted to him. That may be what's going on here - your ambivalence about the relationship is surfacing in your brain fixating on these smaller things. It's possible that you're a shallow asshole who wants to micromanage his girlfriend's appearance because of SEXISM those dudes exist! Why is it any of your business? Just because you shared an embarrassing medical condition with her, she owes you now? Its probably not medical, its a completely normal thing that happens to loads of women.
Trying to make this about her health is just more bullshit people use to try to impose their aesthetic values on others without sounding like judgemental assholes.
I have chin hairs and I do have PCOS and just FYI, even if she does have undiagnosed PCOS, there's no cure, they can only treat the symptoms and depending on your health care system, they may only be interested in treating the infertility, which isn't a major issue if she's not trying to get pregnant.
As symptoms of PCOS go, a few chin hairs is nothing! Does she have any other symptoms? When I notice the hairs I remove them, but that's because they annoy me when I touch my face and they can get quite long before I notice, some are dark, some aren't - you don't say which her are but of they're the clear kind, she may not have noticed. There is so much judgement in your post its unbelievable and there's no way you can bring this up with her without that coming through.
If she's tried to remove them and it hasn't worked, you'll respect her more but if she's just accepted it without exhausting her hair removal options, she's a bad person? I'm just gonna put this out there - I don't think this is about the chin hairs. I think your relationship has deeper problems if you're obsessing over this small aesthetic detail. IMO, if the chin hairs were the real problem, you wouldn't have made it 5 weeks, let alone 5 months.
If you really love someone, you don't care about chin hairs or weird moles or any of that superficial crap. I'm about to go visit my partner in hospital, where most of his bodily fluids are attached to him externally via tubes and bags and it doesn't bother me or gross me out at all because that's how much I love him we're together 15 years, I don't expect you to be at poop bags and catheter love yet but at 5 months, you should be past facial hair, if she's really the one Everyone gets to decide where their line is, and what their dealbreakers are - she's chosen micropenises I'd really love to know the context in which that came up, personally its not something I've ever even considered!
This is something a sensitive beautician may be better placed to bring up with her if she genuinely hasn't noticed - this assumes she's into those kinds of beauty treatments. There's no guarantee the beautician will mention it and if she does your girlfriend may choose to leave them and you wont know which but I still think its better than trying to bring it up yourself posted by missmagenta at 5: Facial hair is not a flaw, and you do yourself a disservice by allowing yourself to remain convinced that it is. Sometimes they get horrifyingly long before I notice and evict the dang squatters.
I'd want my partner to tell me. I have facial hair and frankly I think it's sexy. I know this isn't the dominant opinion, and I know lots of men probably disagree with me, but it's also a litmus test: I'm not interested in dating people who feel entitled to police my appearance along gender norms. I don't have PCOS, and it would take me a less than a minute to shave these off, or pluck them out, but I don't give a fuck: I'm hot in other ways, and my chin hairs complicate my appearance like, oh I don't know, kintsugi.
As you think about this more, I'd focus on your response. So it's not "Her hair is a problem," but "I can't get past the hair, which is a problem. So, you can bring it up to get more information. Then you decide to work on the problem of you getting distracted or giving weight to minor physical characteristics. Or you decide that minimizing hair is a requirement if you're going to keep going out.
If you really think the relationship could end because you find it hard to get past the hair, then you have little to lose by bringing it up. I'm not sure I'd bring it up to her explicitly as a relationship dealbreaker. It would depend on the dynamic. I disagree she owes you a revelation about her health just because you shared one with her.
It may be just as logical for her to withhold if something exists , because she has her own timeline and her stuff may be different from your stuff. I'm not saying she has anything healthwise related to hair--that's quite a leap--but in general I think looking for less of an exact, precise reciprocity might help.
Reciprocity comes in many ways. So, I'd stop thinking about it that way. You seem to be asking for advice on ways to communicate your judgments and sense of entitlement to your girlfriend's body and appearance that will most benefit you -- i. I don't think this is possible. Based on how you've presented yourself here, I agree with others who say that your actual feelings and attitudes will come through. This is not to say that I think it's impossible to have good conversations about appearance and attractiveness with one's partner.
But it does not seem possible, to me, with the attitudes you've revealed so far. I also agree that it seems like you should probably do some deeper thinking about this before you consider bringing any of it up with her. You know, maybe part of why she likes you is because she is under the impression that you're not bothered by minor things like her facial hair.
Either you've seen them since day one, or they've grown in. If they've grown, then she'll likely take care of them at a certain point. In this case it might be okay to gently point them out. However, making it about her health is manipulative. If they've been there the whole time, I'm not sure why you've been dating her if it bothers you so much. If this is a deal breaker, then do her a favor and move on. A few hairs is not in the same ballpark as a micropenis, by the way. This is entirely your issue, not hers. Lots of women have a few facial hairs without having any medical condition.
I think you should approach this as "how can I stop obsessing over this insignificant detail on this otherwise lovely person? You're reading all this meaning into the existence of these hairs that is not there. If you force her to talk about this with you, you're forcing misogyny on her. The idea that she doesn't love you enough to look good for you because she won't remove a few hairs is a deeply misogynist idea. In a good relationship, it should be possible to talk about things like each others' appearance hair, clothes, etc.
The big red flag to me in this question is not the hair, it's that you can't seem to find a way to talk about it with her, and in your question here you keep trying to duck behind invented health concerns. I would focus first on learning the skills to communicate openly and lovingly, and only then try discussing something potentially sensitive like this. I think they're sneaking up on her, and she's just not noticing. Because guess what, if you're looking at your face straight on, with normal watt overhead light, you're just not going to see anything going downstream from your check or neck if you're not awared you have to look there.
If they're long, they're going to be extra sneaky bc they reflect light differently than cut hair. She's not going to think to check there in day light. I say this because no offense, I somehow doubt she's both dating a person with your concerns and so radically self accepting that she can move past a very deep and widespread social norm. I don't think you should tell her. Because even if you don't suck at it, she'll be mortified. You're the absolute last person who should tell her.
One way to go would be to set the stage for her to discover it on her own. This would involve changing the lighting in your bathroom and having a large 12 x magnification mirror located at a little lower than face height somewhere in there. Eg in shower on suction cups. Lighting should be just really bright, and well distributed. Even the length of a hair that's still under the skin will be made visible. Anyway you could try those. There's no way for you to bring it up and be cool.
Girlfriend has Facial Hair - what should I do? - Female hirsutism relationships | Ask MetaFilter
Mentioning it to a friend will make you look like an asshole. It's true that hair removal is a horror for most women, and is a function of patriarchy, you're completely shocked and grossed out because you've been led to believe chin hair is unnatural in women. And women aren't exactly rushing to tell you they pluck. OTOH hair is a thing that s been controlled in different way since old Egypt, so Anyway try to be decent, here, it's not her fault. Honestly too painful unless it's delivered with absolute love, acceptance, and humour.
I have had one long hair on my face since puberty apparently. I have didn't notice it until my twenties. It was just one hair at a strange angle and I didn't see it until I bought a magnifying mirror and family and friends never mentioned it. Even if she does know they grow very fast. Welcome to the world of people, we all have bumps and lumps and weird hairs.
Mention our to your girlfriend in a none judgemental way, do not mention your feelings on the matter. She either knows and doesn't care for what ever reason just hasn't noticed them. Her response will tell you how you go forward. Your girlfriend is an awesome, fabulous person who knows that she is beautiful and attractive without being what current beauty standards consider perfect, she thinks your relationship is based on mutual trust, understanding, and shared interests, and that you both love and accept each other as you are.
Your attitude is unreasonably entitled and judgmental, and this is far more of a problem for your relationship. It may be less noticeable on others because of their hair color or grooming rituals, but, trust me, we all have it. Is it a problem for me? I wouldn't go so far to say it's a dealbreaker, however, if everything else was great. I like the above suggestions of beginning the conversation with a question, but since you're eventually going to get there anyways, I think it's best to be direct.
Something along the lines of, "I noticed you had some chin hairs. What are your thoughts about facial hair on women? Do you want me to let you know when I notice them or should I just butt out? I wouldn't get into the "if you cared about me, you'd put the effort in" thing. Also, certain topics are button pushers. For me, it's my weight. There are some medical issues that are barriers to my losing weight, but, even if there weren't, my weight in no way reflects how much I care about my partner or our relationship.
Facial hair could be a button pusher for her, so pay careful attention to how she responds and adjust your approach accordingly. As mentioned above, it's important to keep in mind that there are going to be times when we don't put a lot of effort into our appearances because life happens. If your relationship is a good one, appearance will not matter then. Basically, start the conversation gently with a question and let her lead. If she asks for your opinion, then be honest, but in a caring way probably the most neutral thing you could say is that sometimes it is distracting.
But she has a lot to lose. You're not the only person in this relationship, but by micromanaging her appearance, you're putting your own preferences over her bodily autonomy. I dated a guy who thought I should "look my best" for him. It started small, he didn't like my thick eyebrows. He didn't like my pubic hair. I shaved it, every day. This escalated into managing my clothes, my hair, my makeup, my diet, my weight. By the end, when I finally got up the courage to leave, I weighed 88 pounds.
And I felt like I was two inches tall. He did a number on my self esteem. And he started small. He started chipping away at my autonomy and my control over my body by being really bothered by my eyebrows and by deciding to tell me he was bothered. And that he just wanted me to want to look my best for him because he tried to look his best for me.
This was a common refrain from him. And it implied something: That he knew better than I did what looking my "best" was. That I needed him to teach me how to train my body to be as attractive as possible. This is deeply misogynistic, I'm sorry to say. This is not about the chin hairs. This is about control. You can tell yourself all day that you'd never get that bad, that you'd never make her lose weight, but here you are, asking people for advice on how to control your girlfriend's appearance. Talking about this with her has the potential to do serious damage to her.
When you're with someone you don't think about whether you have nothing to lose when you want something. You think about both of you. Honestly, the kindest thing you could do is break up with her, kindly, without mentioning this. You're not attracted to her, and you have some work and self examination to do before you date.
Yeah I think the way you worded this question is gross. However, I, too, have a dark chin hair that recently started growing. I don't have PCOS, it's just regular hormones. I didn't notice it at first and I don't think anyone else did either or if they did they didn't say anything. Alas, I found it first. I don't really get why people are suggesting this big sensitive speech about the hair. Just turn to her on the couch and say, "oh, looks like you've got a couple hairs there.
If she's thankful you pointed them out and plucks then, you have no problem. I guess in the early stages of a relationship this is important info. I think I would talk to her about it because she has a right to know that the guy she's dating has a tendency to obsess about some hair she has on her face, having bought into a view of the world that gives men latitude to choose how they deal with hair but tells women there is only one acceptable level of body hair, and she can decide whether she wants to have to deal with that for life or not.
From the vantage of 22 years of marriage, I have to say I am getting to the stage where I'm aware that one day one of us will be gone and that I would miss every single hair. If you can't get there that's ok but do let her know. Just ask her why she does not pluck them. In a nice companionable moment, when you're sharing stuff about yourselves, ask her why. Maybe she doesn't care; maybe it's too ouchy, maybe she can't see them, maybe she's making a political statement.
Then maybe you can turn the conversation to how it's less than sexy for you. It's true, we all have things that our partners find less than sexy. How you navigate them is with love and respect for your partner and an awareness that you might be unreasonable or that it might be worth getting over to stay with someone awesome. I will agree that this "[I]t would kind of bother me that she doesn't want to look her best for me and that she isn't comcerned enough about her health to get checked out.
You have no idea what's going on in her head and are expressing little concern for the demands on the psyche the whole "Be Attractive to Your Man" bullshit creates in a person and the "why has she not seen a doctor for a few chin hairs??!?!?! It sounds from the way you lay this out that what you need to do is bring it up, and risk ending the relationship. I have dated people who would call something like this to my attention, probably by looking at the area repeatedly and then reaching out and touching it and saying something like, "Oh, that's a hair; I didn't know what that was.
So it was like, "Wait, you don't cut your toenails? To be clear, I think that's absolutely buffoonish behavior, but if that is how you roll, she might as well know. I do agree with others that from here on out, you shouldn't date people who have big deal-breakers in their appearance, and certainly not for five months with exclusivity. To me, an issue with the "just point it out" thing is that body hair is a huge source of shame for women in a way that it is not for men.
There's certainly some "men's body hair ew" discourse out there, but nothing like the whole "normal, real woman are naturally hairless, you should work hard to conceal your deviation from the norm, and if you don't you're disgusting" routine that women get. I say this quite seriously as an AFAB person - there are many entirely normal and average things about my body that I thought were freakish anomalies until well into my thirties.
There are several things about my body where I nearly match the beauty ideal, in fact, but because I did not match porn , I thought I was deficient. Women, especially but not exclusively straight women, are not only taught to be ashamed of the natural state of their bodies but very often are taught that they and they alone are disgusting, hairy, etc, and that they need to be very careful to cover up their deviation from the norm.
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It's also important for men generally to understand how much work goes into the cultural narrative of "men and women naturally look extremely different". We construct these bodies where women's bodies are smooth, women's hair is long, women wear make-up and do all kinds of things to keep their skin supple and even-toned, women take care of blemishes, women wear clothes that make the body look as small as possible, women wear shoes that make the feet look small, and men leave their skin alone, cut their hair short and pay little attention to it, wear bulky clothes and shoes, do very little hair-removal, etc.
And then we pretend that the natural state of things is that men and women are extremely physically different. It's constructed, and it results in men who feel that when women do not do every little thing to emphasize how "not man" they are in appearance, then those women must be somehow physical failures. Your girlfriend will not do this not only because women are socialized differently than men but because we all grow up with the idea that men's bodies are "natural" just as they are and have a sort of "natural" right to exist in their original state.
It is for this reason that you equate "my girlfriend thinks she would break up with a guy with a micropenis - an imaginary guy who she's never met, so really she might change her mind if she really clicked with this theoretical guy with a rare condition" with "I should be able to tell my girlfriend that a couple of chin hairs render her unattractive to me". Men's bodies are, on average, granted a right to exist that women's are not. Having read Frowner's response-- with which I agree, by the way-- I wanted to add that your decision shouldn't be based on any projection about how she is going to react, or feel.
Certainly not on how she should react. You may feel it wouldn't bother you in her place, and people may say it wouldn't bother them, but that doesn't prove anything about how it's going to affect her. It is very likely that it will bother her and she will break up with you because of it.
If she doesn't, then great, but she really may and you can't control that. I would have said yeah, tell her, it'll give her a good reason to break up in all likelihood and you didn't want to be with her anyway. Yeah, when she's young enough that this is still probably one of her formative relationships and you're nearly a decade older? You can ask her about it, directly.
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It may not really be as big a deal as others are suggesting. I do care about what my boyfriend thinks of my appearance--his opinion is second only to my own. We have had discussions about things much more serious than our looks. Also, in general, we are not very sensitive about our appearances, so whether we like or dislike something, we roll with it. I always wanna know what he's thinking, even if I don't like it, even if I disagree strongly, at least I know. Life is busy and it is hard to see your own chin. I've had a little bit of facial hair since I went through puberty, and as I've aged it's increased a bit.
The medical condition that causes this is called being a human being -- every woman I've ever met has had some amount of facial hair. I used to tweeze these hairs off but as someone else mentioned upthread, doing so is a constant low level of work that ends up being pretty draining. Not having the kind off money required for laser or electrolysis, I started shaving. I dread returning to dating because I dread having a boyfriend like you.
Would you date a woman with PCOS and hirsutism?
I don't want to trust my heart to someone who will make weird judgements about my attractiveness and make assumptions about my health simply because I am a human being. My advice is for her to dump you. For what it's worth, it's possible that a casual and neutral, "hey, not to be awkward, but did you know you have a couple long hairs on your chin? The answer could be "shit, thanks, I had no idea, and while we're talking about it, the end of your nose is growing some fuzz.
I think there is a large percentage of women who would appreciate the heads up, if done politely. If she's working on fulfilling her potential to be bearded, then that's cool but maybe she's not the one for you. If you believe that a normal body function is less than the "best" she is required to look "for you", you should break up with her. Women die from this kind of critical pressure to conform to impossible beauty standards, especially as wielded by men who consider them an entitlement.
Anyway, nobody ever did say a word about my face which I think is because I didn't need "need" to fix anything about it. If these chin hairs are visible to you at all times, and if you consider this a flaw that you're finding it tough to get past, then how have you gotten to the point that you've already been dating her for 6 months? Were you so smitten with her in the beginning that the chin hairs didn't bother you?
Because if that's the case then you should consider whether your problem with the chin hairs is the result of waning interest in her, and not the cause. If that's so, then bringing it up with her will only hurt her and ultimately not help your feelings about her anyway. Just ask her about it. At five months it isn't unreasonable to state minor, achievable aesthetic preferences.
If you were a woman and you told your boyfriend of 5 months you preferred the clean shaven look no one here would be flipping out. In no way should you expect she feels obligated to take your preference into mind when she grooms, but it isn't "controlling her appearance" by mentioning it. As for how to do it- make it low key. While watching a movie look closely at her and say "Hmm, you seem to have a chin hair. Want me to pluck it? Thanks for taking the time to answer and give me your opinions. There have been many great answers that have made me think about myself and the relationship.
I probably haven't worded things too well in certain areas which may have caused some of the more negative responses which, again, makes me think I'd probably suck at bringing this up with her. I should point a few things out. She can expect the same of me, and if there was something changeable about my appearance, such as trimming body hair, that she would rather I do, I would want her to tell me. I've been in such relationships, so it can work both ways.
Don't misunderstand me though, I am not saying men trimming body hair is anywhere near as sensitive an issue as women with facial hair. When we first met there were a couple that I didn't think much of, but there are many more now and they have gotten longer which has led me to think it may be a health issue - I'm not just looking for excuses with that.
I didn't realise that so many women do have hair on their face and have no health conditions, so thanks to those who have pointed it out. I understand that I may come off as an ass in some of this, and maybe I am. Unfortunately I do live in a world where too much pressure is put on people to look good, which does suck. That you don't think it's misogyny to expect a woman to police her body to please her man does not mean that it isn't. That is quite a different thing than acknowledging that sexual attraction is part of a relationship and quite a different thing than both women and men having preferences in a partner.
What is the result of structural misogyny is not that you find chin hairs off-putting. The result of misogyny is your framing this as disappointment that she is not prioritizing her appearance to you by letting the chin hairs grow. Sounds to me like you have not got the right mindset to have this conversation, yet. If something bothers you, bring it up. But not as a "why wouldn't you look your best for me" framing which is a put down and unhelpful, but something that acknowledges that you have the issue and are asking for a favor, which is "I am kinda obsessed with the hairs on your chin, would you be willing to pluck them?
I think the "just bring it up, short sweet and casual, and it'll be no big deal" approach would only work in relationships that are a lot more respectful and equal than yours is coming across. Women are mammals, we're covered in hair. Most of us do a lot to remove it but expecting a mammal to present as hairless every day is pretty strict. Bluntly, I don't think you can manage to ask this of her without telegraphing the entitlement, resentment, misogyny, and ignorance that comes across in your post. I don't get your update at all-- if your concern is her health and not her sexiness, why is the question all about her looks?
If you can throw the attitude that your girlfriend "owes" you a level of physical attractiveness--to be determined solely by you--in the garbage, that might help you get over this, or get to a place where bringing this up isn't going to be so loaded. I don't think the 6. OP I would urge you to consider which 6. This is not to say that those relationships can't work out, but in my own personal experience including friends' relationships, and others I've been in a position to observe , those are some key life-learning and self-actualizing years, and that difference in experience seems to lead to serious power disparities.
I would be really, really wary of this, because when someone doesn't have the experience or the self-actualization or the confidence to either stand up for themselves or assert healthy boundaries, by definition you have no way to know that that's what's happening until it blows up in your face.
Unless other behavior sets off your "hey this might not be ok" alarm and you get out real quick, as I was fortunate enough to do. I don't think that you having a preference for women with no facial hair is a problem in and of itself, but it is problematic that you assume that a it's easy for her to meet your preference and b that her not doing so means she's not "trying her best". If she's not managing her chin hair And I say this as a woman who routinely plucks and waxes and all that jazz.
When I've been in a relationship, it's something I partly did for my partners, but paradoxically the level of labour involved is something that men in my life have treated me like garbage over. Like, how dare I make space for grooming rituals that keep you attracted to me?
Especially if a woman can't meet that beauty standard consistently despite effort which might be true of your girlfriend if she's particularly hairy , they open up the possibility of being derided by men close to them for trying so hard but not being hot enough, which seems a lot funnier to men than simply not trying at all. It's not just jerks who do this - it's men who want to stick it to women they claim to care about.
Maybe she just wants to avoid going down that rabbit hole? Answer the question if you have suggestions. Try to be helpful with realistic advice, and "you may not have considered X" is fine, but this space is not for debate and discussion. As a human being and therefore a mammal, I have facial hair on my upper lip and chin. Dealing with it is, as someone above said, a constant source of low level stress. I tweeze regularly but the chin hair in particular is difficult because it's hard to see to tweeze, if that makes sense I have to like, scrunch in my chin to access it but then it's hard to see.
The upper lip hair is tough because I can see it at the corners of my upper lip but it's hard to get closer to the middle of my upper lip. I don't want to shave because I'm worried that will make the situation worse - if I miss a day tweezing, I might have five hairs that go rogue but if I miss a day shaving, I worry I will actually look like a dude. And I tried laser hair removal on my upper lip and it grew back. As a result of having constant upper lip hair, I never wear lip color because even though I think I'd like how it looks, I worry about drawing attention to my hairy upper lip.
I haven't had my face waxed in months and I feel worse about my appearance as a result. When you want to talk to your girlfriend about her facial hair, that's what you're signing her up for. It's not just like shaving your face every other day or getting your hair cut every six weeks. And mind you, my husband doesn't seem to care whether I wax or not. That's all me projecting my own insecurities onto my face. So yeah, if I was your cool girlfriend, I'd probably rather dump you than deal with that nonsense.
If I could dump the part of my brain that makes me care about my facial hair, I totally would. Also, since you say you didn't know women naturally have facial hair, you might not know that if she gets it waxed, it has to be a certain length to do so, so you periodically will see it longer. Maybe she's between appointments? OP, if the worst happens and she does break up with you over it, you will be That Guy in song and story for as long as she is in the bad-boyfriend-storytelling phase of her life. In case all the cogent arguments about patriarchy, misogyny and sexist expectations haven't convinced you and reading your update I can see you still don't quite get the level of inequity in this area, between expectations for men and for women , at least consider what queenofbythynia says above.
Because from the way you've carefully presented this question, it implies you really, really want to be perceived as a Nice Guy Who Cares. If you mention this, and she's mortified and you break up, you will be forever known to her circle of friends and possibly beyond as the Insensitive Jerk Who Brought Up the Chin Hairs. I have an ex who did something really mind bogglingly insensitive and egregious way worse than this and believe me when the bad exes storytelling competitions come up, the story I have about him is the prize winner.
I never fail to tell that story because it's hilarious now and a great example of bad ex behaviour, but dude, you probably don't want to be that guy. If you don't interpret her physical maturity and hormone levels as potential indicators of her respect and affection for you, it's no deal at all. It's not that it's good for a guy her own age to make the same comments, it's just that it's easier for her to wonder if maybe you're right, if you're older.
You don't seem like someone who thinks of himself as using his greater age to pressure and bully, but that is the thing that's a pain in the ass about dating a younger person, is you are obligated to wonder about that every now and then. That willingness, and being the kind of person who thinks of it as a possible issue in the first place, are the factors that make dating younger not a problem.
I had a big crush on a guy for a while. Then we started dating and he made me feel badly about my body hair. Guess what I remember about him. On the plus side, he made my husband seem that much more amazing. Maybe the hostility in some of the other answers here comes from the the wording of the question rather than the content? The standard AskMeFi relationship advice is talk to your partner.
She might not know about the facial hair; everyone has blind spots. And of the people in her life, you may be the only one willing to have that awful conversation. The long-term alternative is that you break up with her and never reveal to her why. To me, that's a. Appearance does matter, especially hygiene. Which, culturally, is where this falls. If you've noticed the hair, then other people in her life have too. Sorry, Coolcatjc, moderator here -- taking a detour into the larger quasi-philosophical question of "what is misogyny" or related big-picture questions is really not going to work here.
AskMetafilter questions need to be focused on practical answerable specific things, like "what should I do", so they don't turn into free-ranging discussions. At this point, you've asked your question, now just let folks answer and you can mark as "best" the ones that seem most useful to you. It's typical for women to grow more of these visible and dark hairs on their chins and necks and upper lips as they age--and I mean starting in their 30ss. So keep in mind that even if you wind up moving on and start dating a different woman who appears to have no significant facial hair, there's an extremely good chance that she will eventually.
I think she doesn't know and doesn't want to have visible chin hair. Since it bothers you, you should tell her. Do not cage your conversation as concern about "her health. As dozens of women have told you in this thread, all people have facial hair. She sounds like she has very normal facial hair and far, far less hair than someone with PCOS would have. And if she did have PCOS, the idea that not "treating" it is some kind of moral failing on her part is insulting. There's very little treatment for PCOS available.
I disagree with the above posters who suggest planting mirrors at chin level or bringing up facial hair in some kind of casual conversation. I think those kind of tactics may sound like they are sparing her feelings, but she will know that you noticed and didn't tell her directly, she will still be embarrassed, and she will be insulted by the manipulation. Tell her, "Hey, I know this is a really normal thing for women. I notice you have a few hairs on your chin. Do you know about that? So if she says she's embarrassed about it, she can take care of it. Jeez that does sound like an embarrassing conversation, but I think avoiding it and dumping her or resenting her is far worse.
The women I know who purposely avoid removing their body hair are women who I would never question their motivations or awareness of the hair. Does that make sense? I think if she was someone who refused these kind of gender roles, that you would know that about her. And from what I can tell, you probably would not be the best partner for that person.
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The hair is likely the result of the PCOS. It all went away after their bodies adjusted.. DoctorDoom Send a private message. The PCOS thing isn't as big a deal in my mind Hirsutism is a different animal no pun intended. I'd prefer to be the hairy one in the relationship. I have pcos and there are plenty of ways to keep the hair at bay and the symptoms down. I still use birth control to regulate myself even though my tubes are now tied. I have had a steady bf for awhile now but have no problems with men finding me attractive even though I do have weight issues.
Its medical and what it takes for other people to lose is what it takes for me to just maintain. I also have two children even though they are 9 years apart. The second one was a huge blessing after the doctor had told me that we were lucky to have the one and it just wan't going to happen the second time. I took clomid for two years the first time and the second time we did clomid, the one that is the shots and invitro then gave up. My cousin has it also and while I am lucky enough to just be bigger and able to have the kids, she is not as big but could not get pregnant. Ask a New Question expand.
Trending in Dating Anonymous I think my ex bf gave me something.