Ready to give up on online dating

Then there are those of us filling a void.

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I come from where any serious relationship I have ever had come from knowing them in school or meeting through mutual friends so, this whole new world of dating is completely foreign and downright scary to me. I come from a world where Love was the purest and most wonderful thing to give and receive. Meeting someone I was really interested in left me looking forward to see him again, excited to get a message from him during the day which made me smile, wanting to build and grow as friends and lovers. I see women starving for attention and will take it in any form even if that means hooking up with a guy she just met on a dating site the day before.

I see men and I have personally encountered with the nightmare how men disrespect women, only to catcall, make comments on their ass and tits, overstepping boundaries to test the waters and see how far they can get. Where have morals and respect gone for others and ourselves?

Why I’m Completely Giving Up On Modern Dating | Thought Catalog

Have we stopped treating people like humans? What if that was your daughter or son, then how would you feel? Are we all just fresh meat now? Where has the mystery of truly getting to know someone gone? Has Sex really replaced Love? Do people even get tested anymore?! Are we left where people would rather fall asleep next to their phone instead of a loving partner?

Why I’m Completely Giving Up On Modern Dating

Get the most out of your experience with a personalized all-access pass to everything local on events, music, restaurants, news and more. Shortly after my divorce, I found myself in the middle of the dating scene after a nearly ten-year hiatus. I was no longer the fresh college-grad single starting a new career. I was pushing 40, leery of the club scene and not interested in dating dozens of guys in order to find a suitable companion.

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Then, a friend introduced me to what seemed like a perfect panacea: It seemed so easy browsing through hundreds of photos and bios, selecting exactly what you want and clicking on those faces you think might appeal to you. All the messiness of meeting new potential partners seemed to evaporate instantly. No awkward date refusals, no flirting unless I agreed to it and the seemingly spotless anonymity that came with it.

After posting just two pictures on my profile, I found my inbox flooded with admirers. Altogether flattered beyond measure after a messy divorce, I dove in head first to what would be far worse than anything I encountered at the college bar scene of my twenties.

Just a few months into online dating, I was burned beyond recognition — my heart in ashes, my feelings blistered over at the treatment I received. Online dating in Houston would soon become the bottom drawer of my dating experience. Everything from photos that were an unrecognizable match in reality to creepy fetish phishing emails and weirdos galore making unwanted advances.

Feeling like I had my tires kicked, I realized that by placing yourself in a pool of potential dates, you are naturally subjected to unfair comparison. Most of the men my age were also divorced or separated and obviously not ready for a commitment or serious connection.

It was not uncommon to meet a man who talked about his previous married life with all the red flags of someone who needed counseling, not a new girlfriend. Most of my time spent on dates involved answering questions I had already articulated in my profile responses. It was clear that most men only viewed pictures and left everything else to chance, which meant there were more misfires than targeted hits. More than a few times, I seemed to make a connection online only to find that the feeling immediately evaporated upon meeting someone in person.

A presence is really what you fall in love with — not an image. Sparks between people are a funny thing. Constantly texting someone every inner thought and emotion before the first date and then suddenly trying to interpret body language, voice inflection and word choice from someone you just met is confounding at best.

Had this person been in an accident?


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Until the dreaded realization occurred to me that this person was perfectly fine, just ignoring me for all eternity. Loneliness is perhaps the worst emotion a human can endure beyond any reasonable length of time.