Whats it like dating a guy in a wheelchair

Either the woman or her date will have to find out if the location is wheelchair-friendly. Although many men in wheelchairs might be quite autonomous, it may still be necessary for you to offer a helping hand. This may involve doing the driving, assisting him in getting in and out of the car, moving extra chairs, helping with his coat and holding the door open for him. A woman might be worried about offending her date by offering too much assistance when he does not need it. From his point of view, he may feel belittled. She needs to be mindful of what an appropriate touch is and when to use it.

For some wheelchair users, the reason for the disability and the daily experiences of using a wheelchair can be quite emotional to handle. Going out with a man in a wheelchair may invite unwelcome attention and reactions. The woman should prepare for the stares and remarks that people who are not sensitized to being with people who have disabilities might make.

Although the man may be accustomed to these types of behavior from others, they may still hurt him and affect how much he enjoys his time on the date. The types of dates a woman goes on with her partner will face some limitations simply because he is in a wheelchair. Before my fiance and I started dating, we attended a social event for a university society, where he befriended a young woman who was struggling with severe mental health issues. After she couldn't cope in the overly crowded room and the rest of the group simply wanted to send her home in a taxi so that they could drunkenly enjoy their night out, he made the heinous mistake of daring to comfort her.

The seeds of suspicion were sewn. Months later, he and I were dating. We met up with members of said society. The reception was a little icy when they realized we were more than just friends, but nothing was said at the time. Behind our backs, however, it was perfectly obvious to them that he was taking advantage of me and my vulnerability to satisfy his own desires.

I wasn't consulted on the matter, as it turned out I was a ghost, and as such, my opinion was invalid. There was no relationship between two consenting adults.

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To them, there was only a sexual predator and his dimwitted prey. The rumors led to his exclusion from events, and even the people he planned to move in with the following academic year forced him out based on rumor alone. Having spoken to other disabled people, I know that when they hang out with someone able-bodied of the opposite gender, the general assumption of those around them is that the disabled person is a weak and pitiful creature falling foul of evil intent.

It's difficult enough to lead a normal life as it is. It's even worse when idiots assume the non-disabled friends and lovers around me are only there to get some kind of sick thrill out of it, like I'm a character in a David Cronenberg movie. When they're not doing that If my partner is not assumed to be a criminal, then he's at the other end of the spectrum: Did he save the family from a burning house? Did he singlehandedly save the world from an alien invasion?

He's a hero for having sex with a wheelchair girl. Let's give him the key to the city! As we travel down the street together, some people will give him genuine looks of admiration. Their eyebrows raise a fraction, they flash a warm, condescending smile, and then they turn to their companions to discuss how sweet he is in whispers so loud they're more accurately described as breathy screams. Few ever speak to him directly. Doing so might break the elaborate fiction they've created of a Superman walking among us, throwing lonely disabled girls a pity boning.

Short of shutting ourselves behind closed doors all day, it's inescapable. My fiance has mentioned to me more than once just how uncomfortable this makes him feel, and I can hardly blame him. He's here because he likes me, and he knows that I'm more than the wheels everyone else uses to define me.

I listen to music. I wear too much eyeliner. I attend wrestling shows. I like superhero movies. I'm terrible at Crash Bandicoot. I swear like a motherfucker. These are the reasons he's with me. Pity isn't one of them. Besides, the closest he gets to heroism is when he remembers to put his underpants on before his jeans when he's drunk. I've been asked whether I can feel anything.

Can I satisfy my partner? Can I go for a normal length of time?


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Do I have to use special positions? But since I have never had a girlfriend, I just wind up seeing girls I think are pretty and I get myself into a position to say hello to them but nothing comes out. Also I have difficulty breathing so I need to use a non invasive ventilator to help me breath. I was able to relate to most of your lesson learned. I pray every night to find love and to find the right person for me. Its all I think about. I feel like I have been waiting forever. I have literally tried everything like dating sites, mutual friends, Facebook, etc.

I sometimes feel like I may never find my best friend and true love. Thank you so much for your message! We are so glad to hear that you are breaking out of your shell! If you ever need someone to connect and chat with, feel free to email us at info wheellove.

Much love and we are keeping our fingers crossed for you! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years and he has been in a wheelchair for 5 of them. He has spino bifida but what caused him to not be able to feel his lower half anymore was diagnosed as sarcoidosis of the spine which we were told was rare. Although, it took over a year with him losing more and more feeling as days went on to finally be told why.

He now does and I love him with all my heart through good and bad. I am also a mom of two teenage girls that are from my previous marriage. Then I feel guilty for worrying about myself. Maybe add that to the list…. I love him chair or not through all the good, bad, and ugly. Your list hit so many things on the head. The world is most definitely not accessible even when they say they are and not all people are understanding of that or respectful either.

You learn quickly to hold your tongue and move on. Handicap seating sucks in most places. A positive note is you find out who your true friends are and who truly cares. Especially when accidents happen. Just as he is my rock in other situations. What helped his depression is finding others and becoming active again.

All he needed from me was encouragement and knowing I will bring him wherever he needs me to plus cheer him on! He did a very hilly 15k Boilermaker in Utica, NY this past year in his standard chair with only 3 months of training for a wheelchair challenge to try and win a racing chair. He was 30 minutes over the time but a generous lady anonymously gave the money for him to get one and he should have it to start training when winter is over. He finished it though. He accomplished his goal. Sometimes the chair allows for greater abilities to be seen rather than those that were lost.

I was so proud and still am!

What You Should Know Before Dating Someone in a Wheelchair,!

He has made me see the strength in myself as well! Thank you for this list and sorry this was so long. SO glad you found us!

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It can make all the difference in a new wheelchair users life. Glad you guys are figuring out your new wheelchair life! I treat him normal. I found this guy was so depressed and massed up. I truly love him. I was reading your comments and i thought i should i write down my experience too. I have been dating a paraplegic guy for about 1 and half yrs now. I must say, he is the coolest guy i have ever met although i dont have so much experiences with guys He is 34, paraplegic for 9yrs so far, and i feel so lucky i met him. This attitude of his and the way he sees life, has inspired me and i just want to look like him.

The only sad thing, is that we are not in a proper relationship it was his will and you know….

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I just wish i was his girlfriend. That is the only thing that makes me sad. I met the most amazingly funny, gorgeous and smart guy SCI. We got on so well and I really like him. How would you take it? I have been with my Bf for 6 yrs now, living together 3yrs. He been wonderful helping me raise my kids. Am so grateful for that. Times get tough usual accidents and UTI, we do our best and handle it well. His sense of humor makes everything easy to get through. I know people think there disability holds us back, but in reality there disability is what keeps us going, and makes us strong.

When I get sick all i can think about is who going to take care of my kids and him. I want to live and be stronger for him and of course my children. Am more of his partner in crime, and most importantly best friend. Its just a matter if finding the right person to help you get through it. I loved this article a year ago and love it today. My husband is a quad with c3-c4 injury. Now listen, he is amazing and my complete counterpart.

I fart in the bed, sometimes he pees. I always wear slides on my feet. For quick removal in case of caster problems. Nothing is ever easy though, it takes a strong person to be with him… but with a sense of humor and a quick tongue, life is good. My partner is a T7 paraplegic.

How do u guys even have sex?


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I believe this is a test of our love.. Please give me some advice on sex after spinal cord injury and intimacy. Thanks for your comment! Feel free to email us at info wheellove. Hey Mike, so sorry to hear about your negative experiences! Meet a mature person who will love you just the way you are.

Thanks for the grins. Still have lots of questions, but time will provide the answers. Sheesh, they become weapons! The next issue the one that goes along with the size 16 feet. Every day is a new adventure and a new learning experience, just as it should be with any new relationship. They have no clue because she has not told them she wears a depends and has bathroom issues. In the beginning she was fearful after the first few bathroom accidents in the bedroom that I would break it off with her. I told her I will never leave her for the things she can not control.

Still took her time to trust and believe it because others had been down right verbally abusive about it.

10 Things We Learned from Dating Someone in a Wheelchair – Wheel Love

Everytime I help him in and out of bed, or in and out of his car, he always gets surprised by how easily I lift him out of his car usually both his mom and sister have to help him. My boyfriend always likes to make himself look like the handicapped sign in parking spaces, and he always tricks the kids he talks to at our local driving school that he uses sticks and duck tape to drive his car! M also the patient of c5c6 but everyone is not like u dear u care too much of ur dear one. Megan, your comment about the impersonating a handicap sign definitely made me laugh.

I just started dating a paraplegic about 2 months ago. You have made me laugh today which is great cos was having a bad day previously. My marriage fell apart just after 25 yrs cos my husband was an alcoholic which I always thought was my fault. I really saw myself in most of the points. My boyfriend 29 years old, in wheelchair for 18 ys and I are now for over 2 years a couple.