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Online dating gives you a bit of an advantage in that you can strategically plan that first message so it hits home with a bit of a punch.


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Unlike an everyday face to face meeting where the words just tumble from your mouth in no apparent order. So why is it that so many guys and girls yes girls too fail miserably in avoiding the move from the Inbox to the trash can?

First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs

Extensive research into online dating statistics show that there are some set rules that we all need to follow. Netspeak is the main culprit when it comes to unsuccessful first mails. The words if you can call them that ur, r, u, ya, cant, hit, realy, luv, and wat, are the top nine worst words to use in an opening message.

15 opening lines that will get a response on your dating apps

Mails that contain these words will get practically no replies proving that intelligence or maybe just good grammar is an attractive trait in both sexes. Surprisingly, though, ha ha and lol were considered ok to use. Perhaps this is because using both these terms shows a sense of humour, another trait many seek in a partner. But hehe , while still effective tends to sound a bit like a supervillain. Now it might seem strange to say that after we just told you to use correct grammar, but messages that start off with Hello or Hi come across as run of the mill and perhaps a bit boring.

So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move. One hundred words is about right: Just aim to get a conversation going. As they say in showbiz, leave them wanting more. Similarly, if you claim to love your job but the time stamp on your message says you sent it at 9.

10 of the best dating sites for introverts, wallflowers, and shy people

Stick to neutral hours, like lunchtimes and early evening. Ideally, write it before you leave the house to do something interesting. Have fun writing your messages, and enjoy the process of meeting someone new. For more helpful tips head over to our advice pages or blog! This is the perfect time of year to get serious about your quest for love.

First Message Strategy #2: Connect On Common Ground

So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move. You could always spruce it up a bit and go with a foreign greeting, but make sure you know what it means otherwise you could come off looking like a bit of a Del boy. While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply shallowness.

Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately.

PLENTY OF FISH MESSAGES: 3 Openers & Text Examples To Get More Girls

Better to focus on interests, or even better, common interests. Talking about your own interests can give the recipient a good idea of what you are like. Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge favour and simply ask one.

There’s more to it than you think

I know this is not marketing school but, like a marketer, you are trying to reel someone in. And just like an ad agency makes a call to action, you can too, by simply asking about an interest or even suggesting a dinner date.


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  5. Unless you are actively seeking a partner of a specific faith, then it is probably a good idea to leave out any religious words in your first message. Religion is always a bit of a minefield in the dating game and you really need to be careful not to offend anyone or risk being offended yourself. Strange how in the world of dating we have always been told that self confidence is extremely attractive, but the opposite holds true with regards to online dating.